I Wasn't Paying Attention...

I started this blog four weeks ago with the intention of posting once per week.  And, for some reason, today, I am staying late at work to get this done, when I could go home instead.  Many people ask me where I come up with the topics and the process is very simple, the Spirit moves me on Monday, I reflect on whatever the Spirit has laid on my heart, I write it on Tuesday, give it to my proofreader on Tuesday, get it back on Thursday and post.  The answer I usually give them is, “I let God guide me.”

Today, however, I could not be further from this process.  I am writing this blog now, not sending it to my proofreader, for she is gone for the day, and am going to post it with punctuation errors, grammar errors, and all.  I even thought to myself, look the Spirit did not move me on Monday, so I guess there is no reason to post this week.

Today’s Gospel was from the book Matthew 25:1-13.  Be ready, my feeble attempt to tell this story is coming up, and I suggest, as always, read if for yourself.  This story starts out with the ten virgins filling their lamps with oil and heading out to meet the bridegroom.  Well, he was late and the women fell asleep.  When they were awakened, the lamps were out.  Five of the women brought extra oil and were able to relight their lamps.  The five that did not bring extra oil, had to leave and get more.  And, as you could guess, while they were gone, the bridegroom came, took the five women with oil in there lamps to the kingdom.  The five women that missed the bridegroom were locked out of the kingdom.  When they went to knock on the door, the bridegroom turned them away and said, “I do not know you.”

As Fr. Tom shared his homily today at Mass, I felt that he was talking to me only.  That is never a good sign.  You see, many people do not understand why the five women with extra oil did not share.  But as Fr. Tom said, “This is not a story about sharing, but about being prepared, for you never know when the bridegroom (God) is coming.”  While he is right, it is very hard for us, in today’s society, to understand.  But Fr. Tom said it best, “When I come into the church and pray, I cannot do your prayers for you.  I cannot take that time with God and do it for you.”  Very profound, for I am sure if Fr. Tom could do that for us he would.  You cannot share your prayer life.  It is personal between you and God.

So I tell you that story so you can understand why I am completely stepping outside of my normal process for blogging.  I wonder how many times I fell asleep, this week, like the women in the story.  And by falling asleep I mean, not paying attention to God.  I am sure God was right there waiting for me to acknowledge Him, waiting to guide me through my day.  Instead, I was focusing on work, family, time management, and about a billion other things.  I might have thought to myself a time or two this week, “Gosh, I hope the Spirit moves me so I can have something to blog about.”  Unfortunately, I let that thought stay in my head for about a second and traded it for something that completely consumed my life, instead.  I wasn’t even paying attention.

I struggle, everyday, to pay attention, to focus and put God first.  It is a struggle I hope that I never get tired of doing.  For when my time comes, I hope I do not hear the words, “I don’t know you.”

Today I pray a prayer of apology.  “God, I am so sorry that I did not invite you into my life this week.  I am sorry I turned away from you in prayer.  Please help me in times of weakness and struggle so I can be a better follower of You.”