Retreat talk to the parents

 

 

Last night I had the pleasure to visit our 8^th graders on their retreat.  I was there for Mass, Dinner and then gave a talk about effective parenting.  As many of you know, most speeches I give are written out and read.  This talk, though, was not.  It was definitely outside my comfort zone to talk using an outline, instead of a written speech.  Now I am writing my thoughts for the weekly note. 

When you Google “books on Effective Parenting,” there are 2, 180,000 choices.  When you watch talk shows that give advice about parenting, they give strategies to help parents with their “defiant children,” or vice versa.  So there is probably not that much I can say that hasn’t been heard before.  I am definitely not inventing Effective Parenting.

What experience do I have to talk about effective parenting?  Well, I am a father of an 11yr old girl and a 9ry old boy, neither of which came with a “how to” manual when they were born.  I have been in the education field for the last 23 years, as a teacher or administrator.  I am also the child of two very effective parents, Gus and Ruth Mayer.

All that said, I still have my faults.  I am NOT the perfect parent.  My lovely wife, while a much better parent than me, is NOT a perfect parent.  My wife is raising the children like she was raised, and I am raising the children like I was raised.  Together, we have combined our ways of being raised and even though it is hard sometimes, we are raising our children as best we know how.

There is a myth out there about students losing touch with their faith in college.  Unfortunately, that is not true.  It has been proven that college enhances their faith, based on where they were before entering college.  So whatever their faith before college, will grow while they are there.  Middle school and High school is the most important time to plant and cultivate the seed of faith.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that parents are the first and most important teacher of faith to children.  One of my most favorite quotes says, “If we do not teach our children to love Christ, the world will teach them not to.”  Where does the breakdown occur? 

There is a fast food restaurant on just about every corner, because we are busier than ever before.  Our children reach middle school, and the business of their life seems to grow exponentially.  We want our children to be in everything for reach of missing something.  Families are busier than ever, but the amount of time in a day never changes.  Something has to be cut out of the calendar to make time for everything.  What can we do as parents?

Our children need us now more than ever.  We are fighting the reality television and social media world, a world that has changed rapidly since I was a teenager.   Thinking back to my childhood, my mother had one mandatory family dinner a week.  It did not matter if we had a practice, study group, or a work schedule, you never missed mom’s mandatory dinner.  Yes my mother calendared family time.  In this ever increasing busy world, calendars are becoming the only way to make sure we get to where we need to be.

I always said, anything I need to know I learned on the school bus.  While our children do not ride the bus, we take them to and from school.  If it is a 5 minute drive, or longer, children are trapped in the car.  Spend that time talking to them about your day.  You are the preverbal bus driver, make the ride to and from school a no cellphone ride.  Even if you car pool, listen to the children as they talk amongst themselves.  Be there for them and coach them in the right direction on how to behave, speak, or resolve a problem.

This evening, you gave your children the most important lesson in faith, you attended Mass with them.  Later you will have a couple of other opportunities to show your children the importance of your faith.  There will be an opportunity to be in the presence of Jesus Christ, for we will be having Eucharistic Adoration.  Spending time with Jesus, shows children that it is not just a bland wafer, it shows your true belief in the presence of the Lord.  Also, you will have the opportunity to attend the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  The more we receive forgiveness for our sins, the more likely we are to forgive others.  Think of all the arguments, fusses, and fights, that could quickly be defused when our children get better at forgiveness.

At last, take time to talk with your children.  Share your faith journey with them.  Ask them what you can do to help them in their faith life.  Draw up a contract listing your expectation, listing the ways you will help them to understand their faith.  Yes, a written, signed contract, and hold your children to the contract, and do not be upset when they hold you to your end of the contract.