How Come I Can't Pray When I Need You Most?

Last week I had a principal meeting at St. Mary of the Woods.  St. Mary of the Woods is a convent run by the Sisters of Providence.  The most famous sister from this order was always known to me as Blessed Theodora Guerrin, now called St. Theodora.  She was canonized a saint in 2006, and I can imagine this place has been a buzz ever since.

We came to Saint Mary's, Wednesday evening, and started with a tour of the facilities, including the Chapel of the Immaculate Conception, which has the remains of St. Theodora, including her relics.  After that we had a nice dinner, we came back to St. Marys for an evening with Sister Norma.  Sister Norma is always a treat to listen to.  She has a great disposition, a quiet voice, and always shares her personal spiritual journey.

As always, after hearing Sister Norma, I have noticed a challenge, that I struggle with everyday.  Why can't I pray when I need You most?  All I can say to that is, "Let me count the ways."  I am sure there is a specific order for what I am about to write, however, I am going to write the reasons in order of my struggles.  So, I guess I am essentially saying, these are in no particular order.

1.  Satan is as present in our world as God is.
Wow!!! I almost feel that I am going to hell just for typing that.  Imagine this, Satan is the darkness and God is the Light.  When sitting in church one day, it was dark.  When turning on the lights, it was overwhelming to see the church gradually light up from front to back.  Amazing, that day, Fr. Tom talked about how the light can overcome the darkness, but the darkness cannot overcome the light.  See the comparison?  Once the lights were on, darkness could not come back.

When we are in the need of prayer the most, when we truly recognize that we are in need, we are usually in the dark place, Satan's world.  Satan does not sit back and wait for you to acknowledge his presence.  He is actively trying to tempt us, and push us farther away from God.

2.  It is something I can handle and I don't want to bother/need God.
This is probably the excuse I use the most.  With all the daily struggles of being a school leader, with all the training that got me to this point, I often think I am qualified to get the task, at hand, done, I mean that is what I have been trained to do.

Many of the struggles I manage to handle, but some put me over the edge, get me frustrated, or are the reason I lose sleep at night.  Regardless, I am naive to think that I have done the easy task and the hard task without God.  I might think I did it all by myself, and pat myself on the back, but let's be realistic, I know it is God, I just need to recognize and give credit to Him.

3.  Because of my previous actions, I am not worthy.
If I were to have a favorite, this would be it.  Often times, I get myself so far into a jam, there is no where to go except the route of God.  However, I get so embarrassed that I got myself in the jam, that I am even more embarrassed to ask God to help me it of it.  I  know, I know, God will always be loving and kind.  He will always light the way, I just need to flip the switch.  I get it, but the whole point of this is to explain why I do not pray when I need Him most.

One thing that Sister Norma shared about her personal journey of faith, that I hope will allow me to avoid the three things I mentioned, or the many things I did not, is use your struggle for the God's grace.  Take those things that are angering me, or leading me away from prayer, or Him, and give them to God.  Her words were, "God take this.......... that is angering me and frustrating me and help me use it for your will and glory."

Wait a minute!!!!  The thing that I am struggling with, that is taking me away from God, that is being run by the darkness, you want me to offer it to God for His glory????  Absolutely!!!  Remember the light and darkness from the beginning of this post.  There is nothing that can overcome the light, unless we let it.  Inviting God to be part of the struggle will remove the darkness.

Will it still be a struggle for me to recognize I need prayer?  Probably...
Will I fail at giving my struggle to God, or inviting Him to help me with whatever issue I am having?  Absolutely!!!  All I can hope for is that with some knowledge and some strategies I have a better chance of gaining a closer relationship with God.  The closer I am, the better my chance of praying when I need to.